Dirty
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Set immediately after the events of the fateful encounter with Negan, where Abe and Glenn lost their lives. Michonne would always be the soft place for Rick to fall, no matter how dirty or imperfect their world would become.


Michonne scrubbed and scrubbed away at her skin for what seemed like an eternity. Despite outwardly being quite clean and renewed, her spirit had indeed been seared through with the might of 10000 swords. The more vigoriously she scrubbed at her skin, the more she could try to keep her mind from processing the events of the past 24 hours. the past few in particular.

Rick, she wasn't quite sure where he'd gone off too. Undoubtedly, he surely needed time to recover, to do what he needed to do to come to terms with the fact that two trusted and loyal friends were brutally murdered in front of him, and another very special friend was taken as a prisoner of the group, whose leader mercilessly murdered Abe and Glenn in front of their immediate circle. This wasn't the first act of brutality she'd witnessed since joining Rick's group, and it wouldn't be the last. But this one...this one hurt, that was for certain.

Michonne knew Rick well enough to know that as much as he needed her, their friends, his children...there were moments were he just had to be alone. Rick was a complicated man; his mind was both sharp enough to help them endure the most horrific ordeals, and yet tender enough where he could drown in his own thoughts. It was a delicate balance Rick Grimes marched to every single day, and as his friend and partner, Michonne was usually pretty adept at figuring out just how far to let him swim before reaching out her hand to prevent his total immersion of his tortured thoughts.

this wasn't to say she didn't have her own struggles, her own demons. Usually she could figure out how to survive, how to kind of trick her mind into not processing the horrors she'd witness. That was one thing Andrea couldn't quite grasp about Michonne, and that quite possibly could have led to Andrea's demise. It wasn't as if Andrea wasn't understanding what the world had become- it was that she was still trying to use logic to survive in an illogical and brutal world. Once upon a time, reasoning with others very well might have been a useful tactic. Believing in people had always been Andrea's naitivety, well intentioned as it might be. But in this world, there was no mistaking reality- it always came down to kill, or be killed. Andrea had never managed to grasp that, and she'd never allowed herself to consider killing the governor. It was as if she was looking for traces of humanity where none were to be found.

But Rick, Rick he was different. He was a good man, Michonne recognized that about him immediately. But his was a fine line to walk, for occasionally he would use logic, and no emotion, and that would lead to dire consequences. He could be so logical that other people who did not know him, did not understand how his mind would egg him on to make the tough calls, to be brutally honest and real about the seriousness of their situation. Alexandria, case in point.

Other times, well, Rick's emotions got the best of him, and there was just no way to get through to him. He'd have to just sometimes wait things out, to be mentally neither present nor detatched, but just...existing. Going through the motions of living, she supposed. And she couldn't blame him. Others might not have always understood just how exhausting his super hero cape that he bore for the group's sake could be, but Michonne did. And by now, the ones that knew him best knew damn well that sometimes Rick just needed a break from...from being Rick Grimes.

Michonne closed her eyes, opened her mouth ever so slightly, and let the water from the showerhead trickle down into her mouth. She was thirsty, among other things. Tired, scared, worn, but right now she was just thirsty.

As she finally stepped out to dry off, she heard the shutting of her bedrrom door. Rick was back. She would have to see him, to be able to get a good read on how to proceed. She didnt need a medal for looking after Rick; she had the only thing she could truly want from him- his heart. and right now his tired and tattered heart was ripped apart into a billion pieces.

She slowly approached the door with caution, knocking softly before entering. He'd already fallen into bed, laying on his side, and he hadn't even bothered to bathe.

He was soaked in sweat, dirt, and the brains of his two trusted friends.

He was dirty, and Michonne knew that in his own mind, he needed to stay dirty, to stay covered in the last traces that remained of his friends.

It was disgusting, but it was human, and Michonne would never, never question him. She knew Rick better by now to not question him.

It broke her heart to see her friend so withdrawn, so hurt, so damaged.

He needed time, he needed to find his 'safe place' within himself in order to process his grief, his fears, his losses.

She took the sheet and covered him up. Rick lay motionless, not even turning to look at him.

Michonne kissed his dirty hair, and then whispered.."I'm going to go be with Carl and Judith. You don't worry about them. They're with me. And I'm here when you need me."

He still didn't look at her, which was almost a good thing, for if he did, he would have seen the tears welling up in her eyes, her lip quivering, hear her choking on her own breathing.

But she shut the door, her eyes, and inhaled. Just breathe, she reminded herself. Just breathe. Everything will fall into place.

She wiped her eyes, composed herself, and went to go check on Carl and Judith.

It wasn't much, but it was all she could offer Rick.

And it was all he really needed at that moment, to have someone that cared about his kids as much as he did, who would fight as hard for them as he did.

And that's who he found in Michonne.

And Michonne, well, she had Carl, Judith, their friends, a bed to sleep in.

And she had Rick.

Flawed, brave but scared, strong but weak, perfectly infallible, and dirty Rick Grimes.

And whether he knew`it or not, he would always, always have Michonne. She would have his back, his kids, his heart, his ears, whatever he needed from her.

That's just who she was.

That's just what their world now was.

That's just who they were as a couple, as a family.

And the thought crossed her mind that Negan would have to pay for putting Rick through all of this. And he would, in time.

But right now, as everyone knew just how precious time was, Rick needed her to handle the things he couldn't, that he was too scared and too frightened to handle.

And she took a breath and knocked on Carl's door.

When Rick was ready, when he realized that he needed her, well, he would know just where to find her.

She would never, ever be far from his side.

That's just where she belonged.

the end


End file.
